Is this thing on?! Hello! It is I, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags! It's been a minute, as you nifty young children say, but have no fear, J.Q. is here to announce that Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR is happening! Our last extravaganza had quite a few ritzy and terrific moments, such as Derrick Brizen winning the World Championship! The debut of Thurman Beefrock! Terry Atkins, Lutteur Masque and Octavio Maximilian qualifying for the Breakout Championship! Derrick Brizen winning the World Championship! Lottie D and Holt Haven's WFL History being reimagined! Groudon nearly killing Walter Zenon! Derrick Brizen winning the World Championship! And of course, you can't forget Derrick Brizen winning the World Championship!
Season of Beginnings will officially be known as Episode #001 of PW:AS, and will pick up where the last event had left off! Ain't that the cat's meow, homie?! Derrick Brizen will be celebrating his World Championship win with a gathering of his loved ones to start off our comeback! The PW:AS Breakout Championship will be decided, and we have a special announcement!
PW:AS would like to announce the signing of TDW Encore Champion Reggie Sallis who will in fact be defending his championship in an open challenge, right here in Pro Wrestling: ALL-Star! Now that's the bee's knees, my friends!
But that's not all, Lottie D will take on Mew in what will surely be an very ducky contest, but Holt Haven will surely want revenge after the Hawaiian Crusher on our stage! I think his face left a dent! Ha-aha! We will also be witnessing the debuting Joshua Pine take on SpaceGun StarGlider! What a match that should be!
Did you think we were done?! Nuh-uh! We will also witness a match between two debuting hard-boiled ladies! Lady Clarissa will take on Helen Highwater! We will also see the mysterious Lucilius Lachance take on Travis Cassidy! And another debuting big cheese will be issuing what he refers to as "The Big Boy Gladwin Will Fuck You Up Open Challenge!" which is very vulgar, but very exciting!
And last but certainly not least, the number one contender for Derrick Brizen's championship WILL be decided! You'll have to tune in to find out how! We have quite the event in store for you! You've gotta empty your wallets for tickets to this one, you won't wanna miss this!
★ The Number One Contender for Derrick Brizen's Championship will be decided!
☆ Terry Atkins vs Lutteur Masque vs Octavio Maximilian for the PW:AS Breakout Championship!
★ Reggie Sallis defends TDW Encore Championship in an open challenge!
☆ Lottie D vs Mew!
★ Lady Clarissa vs Helen Highwater!
☆ Joshua Pine vs SpaceGun StarGlider!
☆ The Big Boy Gladwin Will Fuck You Up Open Challenge!
★ With appearances by Laura Brennan, Holt Haven, J.C. Stone, Richard Fountain, Estramir Mastern, and more!
Date: Wednesday, February 15th. Time: Special start time of 4pmCST/5pmEST/10pmGMT!
Aha-haha-ha! Our opening presentation of Pro Wrestling: All-Star was quite the smash click, was it not? After hitting on all sixes, we couldn't let our the hop end! Now, we're quite aware that it's been some time since our first dance, but we took especial care to work out the kinks with some sockdollagers to ensure we percolate without a hitch - like ensuring the absence of a certain crasher.
However, I must acknowledge that the wet blanket was quite the deus ex machina in our denouement. The cat's meow Derrick Brizen will be sitting pretty tonight as we celebrate his world championship victory in a grand ceremony in which I will be the emcee! Aha! Meanwhile, our distressed damsel Laura Brennan will be dancing with the dapper who cast a kitten and lollygagged in their match tonight - Estramir Mastern!
I was quite impressed with the Breakout Championship Qualifier dances, which is why four real McCoy fishes will pair up in a double feature: the cunning cats of Octavio Maximillian and Lutteur Masqué will team up against Terry Atkins and the dark horse SpaceGun StarGlider! I also found the dance between Lottie D and Mew on Primetime to be so ducky that it would be baloney to not grant the two of them a second chance to impress.
Now onto the newer beeswax! White Henry seemed to be in a lather after his loss to Terry Atkins. In fact, I'd dare say he was quite grummy. While he won't get a rematch against Atkins just yet, he will have the chance to blow some steam off against an equally hardboiled former copper, the premiering Violet Knight! We also have TWO more singles dances with debutantes: the pinko Joshua Pine will meet a grand egg in Fats King, and the swanky orchid Lucilius Lachance shall meet the palooka Travis Cassidy! And finally, we have the unreal Reggie Sallis issuing another open challenge for his Total Distortion Wrestling Encore Championship. I have the screaming meemies just imagining what smarty will accept that invite!
What more could spice up this whoopee of a good time? You'll just have to tune in to find out! Aha! Ahaha-haha!
[Treeman vs Overweight Royalty!] Joshua Pine vs Fats King
[The Debut of Lucilius Lachance!] Lucilius Lachance vs Travis Cassidy
[The Rematch!] Lottie D vs Mew
[Hatred vs Justice!] White Henry vs Violet Knight
[Breakout Championship Qualifers...and SpaceGun!] Terry Atkins and SpaceGun StarGlider vs Octavio Maximillian and Lutteur Masqué
[TDW Encore Championship Open Challenge!] Reggie Sallis vs ???
[Battle of the Professors!] Laura Brennan vs Estramir Mastern
Plus appearances by J.C. Stone, Holt Haven, Groudon, Richard Fountain, Walter Zenon and more!
Aha-haha-ha! Welcome, welcome! The first presentation of Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR is absolutely the bee's knees! Me, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags, and my team of copasetic board of directors have decided on what we feel like is the tightest card for our first show that will be known as "Into The Unknown", which is quite the splendid name, if I do say so myself! For our first card, we will begin the road to deciding who are our first champions! I would like to state that for the record, every championship will matter on the same level! We could have any championship be apart of our Feature Presentation or our Opening Act! They are all absolutely splendid!
Before we get onto how we're deciding our first champions, I, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags would like to announce that we will have two non-championship deciding contests! Our first one is the hip to the jive man known as Lottie D taking on the former CFPW World Champion Stuckie Haffi! And our second match is the last ever WFL Intercontinental Champion Holt Haven taking on the humongous strong man known as Bill Kraven! Both of these contests should be absolutely splendid!
Our first championship will be known as the Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR Breakout Championship! Our first champion will be decided through a three-way dance! But just selecting three BEEG cheeses would be a flat tire! Instead, we're going to be having three qualification matches for the three-way dance! Aha-ha-ha! We're going to see who the real Oliver Twists are, if you will! The six lucky competitors are the following, Lutteur Masqué, Isis. J Spade, Terry Atkins, Wight Henry, Octavio Maximillian and SpaceGun StarGlider! I see a lot of MONEY in these six! It's going to be absolutely splendid!
Our second championship will be named after our two on two matches! It will be known as the Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR Double Feature Championship! And the first two champeroonies will be decided via a small tournament! This tournament will see such teams as The New Hive, consisting of Drone Beckett and the mysterious dame Queen Lissa! And the newly formed team of Callum Wiltshire and Lakeem! The two remaining teams are currently a secret! You gotsta tune in to find out who they are! Aha-ha-ha! Let's get those ratings up!
Our third and final championship is known as the Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR Championship! One could argue that this could be considered the top championship in ALL-STAR, but that person should make like a tree and dry up! While it is a fact that this is the top championship, like I, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags said before...our other championships are just as important! They are all important in their own little ways! Aha-ha! As for deciding who the first ALL-STAR Champion is, that will be decided in the feature presentation! But not before deciding who gets to be in the feature presentation! We will be having two three-way dances leading up to the match. Our first match will consist of Walter Zenon, Derrick Brizen and Groudon! And our second match will consist of Laura Brennan, Estramir Mastern and a surprise signing who is one of the BEEGgest cheeses ever!
But of course, that is not all! I, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags have PLENTY in store for you! Into The Unknown will be the cat's meow, if you will! It is the perfect start to this joint! Don't forget to tune in, and buy some swag while you're at it! Aha-ha!
Card Subject To Change
[A Single Dance!] Lottie D vs Stuckie Haffi
[A Single Dance!] Holt Haven vs Bill Kraven
[Breakout Championship Qualifier!] Lutteur Masqué vs Isis J. Spade
[Breakout Championship Qualifier!] Terry Atkins vs Wight Henry
[Breakout Championship Qualifier!] Octavio Maximillian vs SpaceGun StarGlider
[Double Feature Championship Tournament!] Lakeem and Callum Wiltshire vs Queen Lissa and Drone Beckett
[ALL-STAR Championship Qualifier!] Laura Brennan vs Estramir Mastern vs Gavin Gamble
[ALL-STAR Championship Qualifier!] Walter Zenon vs Derrick Brizen vs Groudon
[Feature Presentation: ALL-STAR Championship Match!] Winner Of Qualifier #1 vs Winner Of Qualifier #2
Card Subject To Change
Date and Time 14th May 2015 - 6pm EST/11pm GMT/5pm CST
Aha-ha! My name is J.Q. McMonnemonopobags! You may know me, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags, as the owner of a company by the name of This Fed Is Actually Happening. I invested in the company with my heavy sugar, as the kids say, but for my fellow adults, that translates to 'a lot of money', aha-ha! My former investment had a lot of ups and downs, but it has inspired me to make a fresh start! This brings me, J.Q. McMonnemonpobags to my new investment, Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR! It's going to be incredibly nifty! The idea of my positutely amazing investment is all about star-power, ALL-STAR is going to be creating new stars, as well as celebrating the established! It's a genius idea, if I, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags do say so myself! Aha-ha!
Pro Wrestling: ALL-STAR will be welcoming everyone, new-comers, legends, and people who really deserve the spotlight! As long as they hit on all sixes, and don't mind sharing it with me, J.Q. McMonnemonopobags! The true STAR, aha-ha! And absolutely, we will be welcoming back the previous roster of This Fed Is Actually Happening, we wouldn't want any of you to be any dewdroppers! Except for a certain grummy goof, of course! Aha-ha!
Anywhoodle, as you kids say, let the HYPE begin! Aha-ha!